Fail

Hi hon!!!  I have been gone MUCH longer than you..      Don't get me wrong, I have wanted, all along, nothing more, than to be able to create..  however, my mother was ill with cancer and did not know she had it, she was really ill for some years, then, found out she had it.. started treatments.. then passed away.  However, that is not all, my youngest brother passed away, a year and half before her, in 2013.  I also lost my youngest sister in 2007.  After mom passed away 12/13/14..  I had put all my things in storage to come be close to her...  when she passed, I took over her apartment, because she left ALL of her belongings to me.  Yet, I could not afford to pay the rent and also pay the storage, and was forced to bring all of my things in with her things.  Needless to say, I have very little time at home, at one time..  only here for an hour or two at a time, usually, always in transit..  and so I feel like all I ever do, is pull things out, to get started, and then I have to leave, and it ends up getting put back like it was, by the time I get home at night. AND.. it has been making me depressed, I am overwhelmed.  Yet, I want it done so badly, I am trying to get it done by forcing myself with no sleep.  Not good..  and I am so tired and depressed, that, I am sometimes eating every other day..  one day nothing, next day, one meal, barely.  I just do not have an appetite, yet.. believe me, I want to be preparing healthy meals after losing her to cancer.. yet, I cannot function in the state I am in.  I AM finally making more progress with the house, yet, it also seems, when I DO have a day or two to work on it, something ALWAYS comes up.  I finally got my computer back up after several years of not going online.  I told myself, fuck it..  I am going to take a break, my mind needs it.. and created something..  I am also using a friends photos to create a Manip..   I am going to "squeeze" art in, finally, after years of not creating..  I know if I do so, I will feel much better, and will even function better..  sometimes, you just have to take a break from everything,  and do something that satisfies YOU..   especially like myself, not doing anything for myself in all of these years.  Also, My horoscope for 2017, says, that I am ending a 9 year cycle that has been rather bad..  and beginning a new 9 year cycle that is supposed to be good in every way, and, that this first year of the cycle will bring many changes for the better.  I really hope so,  I cannot take much more loss or sadness, depression, pain.. anything negative.  I just can't.  I really hope that everyone is in for a great new 9 year cycle. I hope you will find some inspiration..  I am going to have a look through your works tonight or tomorrow night..  for sure by the weekend!  Try to find something that will inspire you.  I have been digging around for music, old and new.. I've missed all of you!!!